Sending a Message

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A refection upon ones life after seeing it from a different angle

Stirring from the brief slumber he had fallen into, cold air blows in from the gap in the canvas of the tent moving over him causing a shudder.

It’s cold here in Damryn, reminding him of the bitter nights back in Sahradia during the crusades. No, that wasn’t him. Not really. The memories swirl around inside his head, conversations that never happened, a life never truly lived and the realisation of who he really is. The revulsion that had gripped him, it couldn’t have been true. Yet, as he sits there, that is who he is.

The guilt had taken him by surprise, at first there was confusion but then the memories had returned. The flare of the match burns his eyes as he lights a candle, the dull glow illuminating the inside of the tent, shadows dance on the walls as the wind howls outside.

He stares into the flame from a few moments then takes up a quill and begins to write.

She must have wondered, the thought stuck in his mind. She had worried about one day but over a week? The feeling of guilt rose again; he has to explain.

My dearest Zi-

No, what right does he have to call her that? After everything he has done he does not deserve to refer to her as such. But maybe, just this one last time.

He begins writing. Slowly at first but with increasing speed as the words come forth, flowing out onto the paper.

The truth, just the truth, of everything. How he could not bear the idea of what he would of have to put her through, it tore him apart inside to do so but in the end it was what he believed he had to do. It was not what he wanted to do.

The quill slows, signing off the end of the letter. It is everything he should have said, everything she should know but he couldn’t bring himself to say.

Placing the quill down he looks into the candles light, following the ghostly trail rising.

He sighs; it would be too hard on her. Folding the paper he places the corner into the flame. Dropping it to the floor, ashes drift about his feet in the chill wind as he rests the quill upon fresh paper.

Outriders have returned from last mission safely.

It would be enough to put her mind at rest.